Helping your children build a healthy relationship with technology and screens

Children today are growing up in a world unlike any previous generation. Research highlighted by psychologist Jonathan Haidt shows that since around 2012 – when smartphones and social media became widely adopted – time spent with friends has declined significantly while rates of anxiety and other mental health challenges among young people have risen sharply.

Technology has transformed how children learn, communicate and entertain themselves. It offers incredible opportunities, but it also presents new challenges that many parents never experienced growing up. Rather than viewing technology as something to fear, the goal should be helping children develop a balanced, healthy relationship with it from an early age.

Why balance matters

Digital devices are designed to capture and hold our attention. Adults often find it difficult to put their phones down, so it’s no surprise that children struggle too. The issue isn’t simply screen time itself. It’s what excessive screen use replaces.

Every hour spent scrolling or watching short-form content is an hour not spent climbing trees, inventing games, solving problems with friends, reading facial expressions, experiencing boredom or building resilience through everyday challenges. These real-world experiences play a vital role in healthy brain development, emotional regulation and confidence.

Children learn through doing. They develop creativity by making up games, independence by taking manageable risks and social skills by navigating friendships face to face. These experiences cannot be fully replicated through a screen.

Different ages need different approaches

Healthy digital habits look different depending on a child’s stage of development.

For babies and toddlers, the priority is developing language, movement, imagination and secure relationships with caregivers. At this age, there is little evidence that screen exposure provides developmental benefits, whereas play, conversation and exploration support every aspect of growth.

As children move into the preschool years, carefully limited screen time becomes more realistic for many families. However, real-world play should still dominate. Drawing, building, imaginative games and outdoor adventures help develop creativity, motor skills and problem-solving abilities that screens cannot replace.

Primary school children continue to build emotional intelligence, friendships and independence. While educational technology has an important role, it should sit alongside opportunities to play outdoors, pursue hobbies and interact with others in person.

Teenagers face perhaps the greatest challenge. As they develop their identity and independence, social media, gaming and smartphones become central to many aspects of their social lives. Rather than relying solely on restrictions, parents can gradually shift towards helping teenagers understand how technology affects their mood, sleep, concentration and wellbeing so they can begin making informed choices themselves.

Don’t underestimate the value of boredom

Many parents feel pressure to keep children constantly entertained, but boredom isn’t something to eliminate.

When children have unstructured time without screens, they eventually create their own games, stories and activities. That process strengthens imagination, creativity and problem-solving skills.

While the first response to boredom is often “I’m bored,” giving children space to move through that feeling can help them discover interests they may never have found if a screen had immediately filled the gap.

Education works better than punishment. One of the most effective ways to encourage healthy digital habits is through open, age-appropriate conversations.

Rather than simply saying “phones are bad”, explain why boundaries exist. Talk about how screens can affect sleep, concentration, eyesight, mood and emotional wellbeing. Help children notice how they feel after spending long periods online compared with how they feel after playing outside, exercising or spending time with friends. These conversations build self-awareness rather than resistance.

Using screen time as a punishment or reward can sometimes unintentionally increase its value. Instead, focus on helping children develop their own ability to recognise when they’ve had enough and why taking a break is beneficial.

Create family habits together

Children are far more likely to follow healthy boundaries when adults model them too.

Simple household routines can make a significant difference, such as keeping phones away from the dinner table, avoiding devices in bedrooms overnight or creating shared spaces where phones are left during family time.

Parents don’t have to be perfect. Acknowledging that adults also find technology addictive can create honest conversations rather than conflict.

Equally important is working with other parents. Agreeing similar expectations around phones or social media with families in your child’s friendship group can reduce peer pressure and make boundaries feel more normal rather than restrictive.

Technology is here to stay

The solution isn’t to remove technology from children’s lives; digital skills are essential for education, work and maintaining relationships. Instead, the aim is to ensure technology enhances childhood rather than replacing it.

When children continue to experience outdoor play, meaningful friendships, creative activities, family connection and increasing independence alongside digital experiences, they are far more likely to develop a healthy relationship with technology that will serve them well into adulthood.

Helping children navigate the digital world isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about creating enough opportunities for them to enjoy the experiences that help them grow into confident, capable and resilient adults.