Getting your relationship back on track

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There’s no denying that relationships can be hard. They take time, energy, thought, and kindness to make them work. Add to that our busy lives: running around after the kids, taking care of older parents or relatives, stress at work, financial worries; and it’s perhaps no surprise that there were 107,599 divorces of opposite-sex couples in 2019, up 18.4% from 2018*. While there’s no magic formula for keeping your relationship healthy – after all, we all go through periods when our relationships** aren’t as rosy as we’d like them to be – the good news is that there are some simple things you can do to rekindle the empathy, love, fun, and romance.

Respect each other

According to a crowdsourced survey of over 1,500 people who have been married for 10+ years, and are still happy in their relationship, this is the big one! Rated even more important than communication in a relationship.

Showing each other respect is the bedrock of any relationship, holding each other in high regard and believing in one another is fundamental to this. But simply saying that you respect your partner isn’t enough, it needs to be reflected in your behaviours and actions as well as your words. If there’s a lack of respect, things can start to get ugly, especially during arguments, and resentment can creep in.

Once you reach this point it’s hard to go back. Disrespect can mean different things to different people, so it can be useful to simply ask your partner what respect/disrespect means to them as this can also evolve as your relationship does.

Communicate

Regular, open and honest communication is essential in any relationship.

The ability to communicate well and without friction is linked to respect and trust, but it’s also linked to kindness. It’s our nearest and dearest who nearly always get it in the neck if other areas of our life aren’t quite going to plan, so practicing being kind is essential. Treat your partner as you would like to be treated. If something bothers you in the relationship, say something. This is important not only for addressing issues as they arise, but it also helps build trust.

Miscommunication is surprisingly common in long-term relationships. To help avoid this it can be useful to play back information during discussions to check you have understood what your partner’s thoughts are before you comment on them.

Being a good listener is also essential. Listening to your partner if they’re having a hard time, but also if they’re having a great time. It can be easy to try to join in the limelight when they are doing well by starting to talk about things that have gone well for you instead of giving them the time and support they deserve to bask in their success.”

“*ONS:https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/bulletins/divorcesinen glandandwales/2019 released November 2021
** https://markmanson.net/relationship-advice”

Take time for yourself

To be a good partner you need to love yourself as well as them; if you’re not happy with yourself, it’s likely you won’t be happy in your relationship.

According to figures from Relate’s ‘The Way We Are Now 2021 report: Singles and couples in the UK today’ survey* almost two thirds (64%) of people agree that self-esteem is linked to success in a romantic relationship, with this figure jumping to three quarters (75%) of those aged 18–24 and 78% of those aged 25–34.

While compromise in a relationship is important when it comes to things like chores, home improvements, social activities and what film to watch; it’s also important that you’re able to pursue your individual loves in life if they’re different from your partners. Having hobbies and doing things we enjoy helps build our self-esteem, makes us happy and improves our positivity – all great news for both us and our relationship.

Equally, time spent away from your partner with friends is important. Things like weekends away with friends helps our sense of self as well as our independence and confidence and there’s something to the old adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Show affection

This doesn’t always have to equate to sex. Simple acts of affection such as holding hands in the street or on a walk, holding a door open for your partner, cuddling on the sofa while you watch TV or listening to music and kissing more than when you just leave the house can all help you reconnect. A squeeze of a hand to reassure your partner if they’re nervous at an event or a long, tight hug on hearing bad news can also be hugely beneficial to your relationship in terms of growing intimacy, trust and empathy.

Studies have shown that physical affection such as hugs causes your brain to release a hormone called oxytocin. This makes you feel good and firms up emotional and social bonds while lowering anxiety and fear.*”

“https://www.relate.org.uk/sites/default/files/publications/uploads/relate_eharmony_twwan21_report_final.pdf
**https://www.webmd.com/balance/touch-starvation

Wellness Cloud gives you easy remote access to experienced counsellors, who can support you with the emotional challenges of getting your relationship back on track.

For further information, or to book a session online with one of our specialists, visit our website.