Advice for separating from your partner or going through a divorce
Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...
|
Separation and divorce can be one of the most challenging life experiences you can go through. Whether you’ve been married for years or are simply living together, the emotional and financial stress can feel overwhelming. However, with the right advice and support, navigating this difficult journey can be made significantly easier.
This article draws on insights from a recent webinar by Kate Daly, founder of amicable, to offer practical advice for anyone considering or going through a separation or divorce.
From legal steps to emotional challenges, we’ll guide you through the key aspects to think about during this difficult time.
1. Consider an amicable separation
A key takeaway from the discussion was the importance of aiming for an amicable separation wherever possible. Kate Daly explained that when faced with the breakdown of a relationship, many people turn to traditional legal processes, which can be adversarial, costly, and emotionally draining.
Daly shared how her own experience of a bitter, expensive divorce led her to establish amicable, a service that helps couples separate in a kinder and more cooperative way. By avoiding the traditional legal route, which often pits partners against each other, couples can work together to agree on finances, children, and the logistics of their separation. This approach can help couples transition with dignity and respect, ensuring a smoother process for both parties and any children involved.
2. The no-fault divorce law
In 2022, the UK introduced the no-fault divorce law, making it much easier for couples to separate without having to assign blame. Previously, couples had to provide grounds such as adultery or unreasonable behaviour, which often intensified conflict and emotional distress. The no-fault divorce removes this requirement, allowing couples to part ways without focusing on why the marriage has broken down.
The process for a no-fault divorce begins with deciding whether to file for a sole or joint divorce application. The legal dissolution of a marriage is largely an administrative process, taking a minimum of seven months and involving a 20-week reflection period. This period gives both parties time to reflect on the situation, make arrangements, and emotionally prepare for the next steps.
Daly emphasised that prolonging the divorce process unnecessarily is unhelpful. Even if one partner is reluctant or hurt, the divorce will still go ahead. It’s in everyone’s best interests to approach the process with dignity rather than dragging out the conflict. Once the legal process is completed, couples can move on to focus on dividing assets and planning for their future.
3. Understanding the key components of a divorce
Daly explained that a typical divorce or separation involves three key components:
- The legal dissolution of the marriage.
- The division of financial assets, such as property, savings, and pensions.
- Arrangements for any children involved.
While the legal dissolution of a marriage can be relatively straightforward and is something couples can often handle themselves, dividing finances requires more careful attention. One crucial point Daly stressed is that even if you’ve agreed on financial arrangements with your partner, it’s essential to formalise them legally. This is done through a consent order, which ensures that any financial claims against each other are dismissed, offering future legal protection.
If you and your partner are not married, you won’t need a consent order but should consider drafting a separation agreement. Although this doesn’t carry the same legal weight as a consent order, it is a binding contract that provides clarity and protection on financial matters.
4. Prioritise children’s wellbeing
One of the most emotional aspects of separation is determining arrangements for children. In the UK, the court operates under a “no order” principle, meaning they prefer not to make rulings on children’s arrangements unless absolutely necessary. Parents are encouraged to resolve these matters independently.
Daly suggested using a parenting plan to create a clear agreement on how both parents will support and care for their children. This approach keeps things civil and ensures that children’s best interests are prioritised, without involving the courts.
It’s also worth noting that child maintenance payments, although related to finances, may form part of the consent order. This ensures children are financially supported and their everyday needs are met as part of the broader financial settlement.
5. Seek professional guidance for financial agreements
A common misconception during separation is that couples can use a template agreement to sort out their finances. However, Daly advised against relying on generic documents. Financial arrangements, whether in a consent order or separation agreement, need to be professionally drafted to ensure legal protection.
For example, pensions are often overlooked but are considered marital assets in the UK. Both partners are entitled to a fair share of pensions accumulated during the marriage. The court will assess whether financial arrangements are fair, considering both partners’ needs, earning capacity, and retirement plans. For this reason, it’s important to have a legally sound document that reflects your specific situation.
While you can handle much of the legal divorce process yourself, seeking professional advice for financial settlements is advisable to ensure both parties are protected.
6. Take time and consider mediation
If your partner is initially resistant to discussing finances or children’s arrangements, don’t lose hope. Daly pointed out that people often react emotionally when they first learn their relationship is ending. Allowing time for reflection can help them come around to more cooperative discussions.
If direct discussions aren’t successful, consider using mediation services before resorting to solicitors. Mediation can help couples reach an agreement in a neutral, facilitated environment without escalating conflict.
Final thoughts
Remember that while you can handle much of the legal process yourself, seeking professional advice when it comes to financial agreements is crucial to ensure you’re legally protected. Most importantly, give yourself and your partner time to adjust, as the emotional healing from separation often takes longer than the legal process.
If you are going through this journey, don’t hesitate to seek support – whether from a mediator, therapist, or financial advisor – to help you navigate this new chapter with clarity and confidence.